Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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