You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
