I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
