The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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