Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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