I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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