Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
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pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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