i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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