You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
