I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I didn't notice because vodka
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
