I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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