my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
