You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
