i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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