don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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