He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i drank out of a bidet.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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