yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
