Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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