Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
