I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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