She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
