So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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