I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize