soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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