It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I supernannyed him into submission
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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