he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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