i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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