Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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