you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
