So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
