Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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