I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize