Just fell off a train. Bad.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Pants are for mortals
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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