sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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