we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
