I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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