If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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