she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
