He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
