matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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