yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Randomize
