look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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