Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
