i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
