oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
