never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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