If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
