Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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