Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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