he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
