I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
