The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just high enough for therapy.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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