I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
