saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
