Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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