How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
