I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
