I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
