I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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