What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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