Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No subtext here. People are naked.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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