Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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