I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
