Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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