haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
