Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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