So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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